


Saltinette is Not Invited

by LoganLight



Series: Not the Salt You're Looking For [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, F/F, F/M, Fourth Wall, Gen, Meta, One Shot, Parody, Saltinette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoganLight/pseuds/LoganLight
Summary: Saltinette tries to ruin everyone's field trip.Marinette says no.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant
Series: Not the Salt You're Looking For [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1382659
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Saltinette is Not Invited

"Alright class! Settle down." Mme. Bustier clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "Now, the school field trip to, uh, the beach?"

"Yeah, mine says beach too." Alya held up the script and nodded for the teacher to continue.

"Right! Remember to-"

"AHHHHH!"

"Juleka, that's not in the script." Mme. Bustier waved her copy for emphasis.

"Sorry, Mme. Bustier!" Rose supplied while comforting her girlfriend. "It's just- AHHHHHH!"

"That is it! What!? What is with the screaming!?" Chloe demanded.

Rose pulled one of her hands that covered her face and pointed at the script that had fallen open. "S-S-Saltinette's in the script!"

Pandemonium erupted as the class protested.

"Quick Markov! Run away before she reprogrammes you again!" Max yelled, holding the window open for his friend.

"Ugh! Why her?" Chloe pulled out her phone to post about how unfair it all was online. "She's even more intolerable than Dupain-Cheng! Always saying we're friends and telling me to agree with everything she says and-" she shuddered, "expecting me to be _nice!"_

Alya was shaking her head and making an ex with her arms. "Uh-uh, no way. This is not in my contract!" . . . Seeing Nino wavering in his seat Alya brought the trashcan over.

Nino emptied his breakfast into it as his girlfriend rubbed circles on his back. He lifted his head just long enough to say: "God, I hate her." And then buried his face back down.

Adrien stared off into space, eyes blank as his inner voices argued.

The one that looked suspiciously like a supervillain was grinning. "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to Murder?"

The Chat Noir-ish one tapped his chin before pointing at the supervillain. "You know? He's got a point."

"Guys, guys!" Glasses Adrien protested, wrapping an arm around their shoulders. "We've been through this. Of _course_ we're going to murder!"

"-Adrien? Dude!"

Adrien snapped out of his thoughts as he realized that the bane of their existence had entered the classroom. He turned toward Nino. "So we all agree that it's only murder if it's a person, right? Anthropomorphic embodiments of selfishness and revenge fantasies don't count?"

Saltinette draped herself dramatically onto Mme. Bustier's desk. "Oh! See how cruel and mean spirited my former crush is!"

Adrien rolled his eyes. "Get over yourself."

"Is this- Wait, hang on." Saltinette leaned her head back and held up an eyedropper. "Ah, there. That's better. Is this any way to treat your class representative?" Saltinette wailed with tears in her eyes.

"After I slaved away at fixing that old junkyard bus and raised enough money to pay the driver, 'cause he only accepts payment in quarters, by having a sale at the bakery and coordinated everyone's schedule so we could all go together!?"

Mme. Bustier flipped through the script. "It doesn't say that."

"Oh! How Lila has shone your true colors!"

Alix turned her head from left to right. "Dude, she's not even here!"

"Even Alix has turned her back on me!" Saltinette continued, holding the back of her hand to her forehead. "An unforgivable crime unless she gets on her knees and begs me for forgiveness and helps me ruin everyone else's lives and then maybe, possibly, eventually I will deign to give her the Bunny M-"

"Marinette SMASH!!!"

In the blink of an eye Saltinette went sailing through the window and disappeared into the sky with a twinkle of light.

Marinette brought her smoking fist, which she had just used to uppercut Saltinette out of the story, to her lips and blew on it.

"Sorry, I'm late!" Marinette stumbled before righting herself with a grin. "I needed a running start."

The classroom erupted into cheers.

Adrien smiled proudly at her. "Go out with me, My Lady?"

"Absldbsbdj! Adrien! That, um, isn't in the script!" Marinette protested despite having sent the "main character" into the stratosphere, cheeks tinting.

"Sure it is!" Adrien smugly flourished his copy of the script to the page they were on. He'd attached a sticky note to it that said, 'Adrien asks out his future wife'.

"Eeeeeeeee-" Marinette's face became even redder as her grin widened.

"Nice going, sunshine," Alya teased. "You broke her!"

"What a paws-itively un-fur-tunate occurrence."

Marinette blinked as a terrible realization dawned. "Oh, no."

Adrien grinned as he pulled her into his side. "Oh, yes!"

Mme. Bustier smiled at the new couple while throwing whole pages of the script into her new shredder. Right then. Taking out her red pen she began to make corrections for what remained.

* * *

"Ha! Ready to give up, handsome?" Marinette sent the volleyball back over the net.

"You wish, beautiful!" Adrien slid on the sand and managed to keep the ball in play.

"Heads up, babe!" Nino called as he shot it back to the other side.

"For me? You shouldn't have!" Alya jumped for the ball and sent it spinning onto the sand, to the groans of the boys.

"Aw, look at them!" Rose cooed from her spot next to Juleka. The bright pink towel and umbrella clashing with Juleka's black beach hat and swimsuit. "They're adorable even on opposite teams!"

"I know. Horrible isn't it?"

Rose giggled. Juleka sometimes liked to pretend romance was icky 'for the aesthetic'. Personally, Rose thought the matching necklaces her girlfriend had bought them were plenty romantic. But who was she to ruin Juleka's fun?

Her attention wandered to the water where Max and Markov were ~~enabling~~ helping Kim with something.

"You sure you're up for this little guy?" Kim asked.

"I appreciate your concern but I assure you my waterproofing will keep me quite safe!" Markov replied.

Max nodded, adjusting his prescription goggles. "Markov will time your swim and measure how well you've improved."

"Then what're we waiting for?" Kim plunged underwater with a splash. Markov following after him.

Ivan gave a warning glare in their general direction before turning back to Mylene. Who was drifting happily in a tube float.

Sabrina gazed wistfully from where she held Chloe's tanning mirror. Chloe herself could be heard snoring.

"Psst! Sabrina!"

Looking around, she spotted Alix behind some large rocks. Blinking, Sabrina pointed at herself.

Alix rolled her eyes. "You see any other Sabrinas around here? C'mon!"

Sabrina stood, paused, opened up the Queen Bee themed umbrella so Chloe wouldn't sunburn and hurried to catch up.

Nathaniel chuckled from his perch on the rocks as he continued sketching.

"Okay, I have a plan." Adrien announced.

"Is it an actual plan or is it one of your regular plans?" Nino asked.

Adrien summoned as much indignation as he could- "Rude," -and turned back to the game without telling Nino the plan.

"Wait, bro, c'mon!"

"Too late!"

The volleyball flew back and forth as both teams went all out. Marinette saw her chance, reached for it and-

"Hey, Marinette."

Adrien's hair glistened in the sunlight, eyes smoldering as he gazed into her soul. His soft lips curling into a playful smirk and-

Marinette felt sand burst all over her hair as she fell.

Instantly she was back on her feet. "Cheater! I call cheating!"

Rose laughed good-naturedly, knowing that Adrien had just invited a reckoning onto himself. "Poor Nino."

Kim burst to the surface. "Ahhhhhh! What is it? Get it off!"

"Please hold still so I may assist you!" Markov zoomed around Kim, trying to use his arm to pull some brown thing off of him.

"Kim, it's just seaweed!" Max yelled.

The corners of Juleka's lips twitched. "Tragic." She clicked her pen and wrote something down in her notebook.

Rose smiled and offered a lick of their icecream.

Ivan narrowed his eyes at the commotion but just snorted and went back to making sure Mylene didn't drift too far.

Sabrina straightened from where she leaned over a tide pool. "What was that?"

"Just Kim being dumb again," Alix replied dismissively. "Ooh! There's a good one!"

"Making Marinette angry is a terrible plan!" Nino panted.

Adrien just grinned. "How can she be angry when her boyfriend looks like _this?"_ He struck a dynamic pose.

Marinette missed her swing. Again. Glaring at her smug cat of a boyfriend she rose to her feet. "That's it." Marinette pulled out her pigtails, letting her hair fall. "The gloves are _off."_

Adrien stared openmouthed as the next volley sailed centimeters past his face. A gleam entered his eye. "Game of cat and mouse?"

"We'll see whose the cat this time!"

"Uh, we're still here y'know," Alya reminded them.

Blushing sheepishly all four resumed their game.

Taking a sip of her non-alcoholic cocktail Mme. Bustier put the finishing touches on the script. That done she tossed it aside and smiled at her students enjoying themselves. All was as it should be.


End file.
